I am Planning to Smile at You

[First Draft: Please edit and arrange]

I live in a town where average families live. The father works and earns a minimum wage as an employee while the mother cooks porridge in the afternoon and sell it for extra income. The eldest brother stops schooling after high school since going to college is so much of a luxury for their family. The daughter, who works at a local cafeteria while pursuing her studies for a degree has eventually, got pregnant.

I grew with my grandma in a small town of the city where I live now. Being in a known family, a lot of people would call me by my name – even I don’t know them. While I was growing up, I realized that almost everyone in the town knows me and my name…even my family background. I was raise by my family in a conservative way. My grandpa, who passed away when I was seven, has over guarded me. The popular story I would hear from my aunts until now is: whenever I would try climbing the stairs, my grandpa would get me. Being their first grandson, he never wanted me to get hurt. That way, I grew lampa.

Meanwhile, my grandma has unconsciously taught me of being selfish. When I was at the local school, she taught me of not sharing my lunch with the other kids and of her belief that the other kids have their own parents so they should have their own lunch.

As I grew up, I began to socialize with my cousins.

I grew without knowing my neighbors. I grew different from the others. I would wear imported caps, well polished shoes, and white polo going to school. I grew with limited friends – trying to limit myself with the standards set for me by my parents.

Trying to weigh their principles, they could be right. They just don’t want to get me wrong.

One by one, I realized, it is not helping me in any way. I need to get out and socialize.

If you were that kid who wanted to play basketball with me when we were at fourth grade, I am now willing to play with you. If you were that person who called me last time to drink with you, I want to join you this time.

I have been planning to smile at you; if only I had the confidence to do that. I have been planning to make friends with you. I hope you noticed that. I have been looking at you and your gang, singing altogether with your wood guitar. I have been wanting to join you.